Safe and Sleeping Like A Small Child

You seem at peace today. 
Ready for Surgery.  Ready for your body to be traumatized in order for healing. 

Am I ready?  Am I ready for this next step?  My courage does not seem to match yours. 

I have trouble listening to the words...the words that describe what is to come. 

I cannot imagine because I will not go allow myself to go there.  Tears well up in my eyes, the salt stinging. 
I am glad you have closed your eyes so as not to see mine.  The tears roll down my cheeks.  It is not time for the emotion. 

Not the time to let myself fall apart.

  I need to be strong.  I need to put on a face to show you and the world I am strong, I am okay.  You can lean on me because I have been born to be leaned on. 

This is my gift.  I have had this gift for a very long time.  I have been able to wrap my arms around people and hold them up.  

Tonight the load feels heavy.  Off balance.  Where is my balance?  You used to balance me ... but today I cannot allow you to do that because you need every bit of energy you possess for you and for what is to come.  

You have finally drifted off to sleep.  Your chest gently rises and falls.  I will sleep now.  So let the sleep come.  Tomorrow is a new day.  I am so glad you are here tonight...safe and sleeping like a small child.

But the Cancer does not sleep.....